OBITUARY
WRITTEN 1806
To
follow is the verbatim transcription of the biting, bitter
obituary of Lord Timothy Dexter published in the Newburyport
Herald, October 24, 1806 ~ a pungent, pithy punctuation at
his death.
Departed this life, on Wednesday evening last (October 22,
1806), Mr. Timothy Dexter, in the 60th year of his age, ---
self-styled "Lord Dexter, first in the East." He
lived perhaps one of the most eccentric men of his time. His
singularities and peculiar notions were universally proverbial.
Born and bred in a low condition in life, and his intellectual
endowments not being of the most exalted stamp, it is no wonder
that a splendid fortune, which he acquired (though perhaps
honestly) by dint of speculation and good fortune, should
have rendered him, in many respects, truly ridiculous. The
qualities of his mind were of that indefinite cast which forms
an exception to every other character recorded in history,
or known in the present age, and "none but himself could
be his parallel." But among the motley groups of his
qualities, it would be injustice to say he possessed no good
ones --- he certainly did. No one will impeach his honesty,
and his numerous acts of liberality, both public and private,
are in the recollection of all, while one of the items in
his last Will will be gratefully remembered. His ruling passion
appeared to be popularity, and one would suppose he rather
chose to render his name "infamously famous than not
famous at all." His writings stand as a monument of the
truth of this remark; for those who have read his "Pickle
for the Knowing Ones," a jumble of letters promiscuously
gathered together, find it difficult to determine whether
most to laugh at the consummate folly, or despise the vulgarity
and profanity of the writer. His manner of life was equally
extravagant and singular. A few years since he erected in
front of his house a great number of images of distinguished
persons in Europe and America, together with beasts, &c.,
so that his seat exhibited more the appearance of a museum
of artificial curiosities than the dwelling of a family. By
his orders a tomb was several years since dug under the summer
house in his garden, where he desired his remains might be
deposited (but this singular request could not consistently
be complied with), and his coffin made and kept in the hall
of his house, in which he is to be buried. The fortunate and
singular manner of his speculations, by which he became possessed
of a handsome property, are well known, and his sending a
cargo of warming-pans to the W. Indies, where they were converted
into molasses-ladles and sold to a good profit, is but one
of the most peculiar. His principles of religion (if they
could be called principles) were equally odd: a blind philosophy
peculiar to himself led him to believe in the system of transmigration
at some times; at others he expressed those closely connected
with deism; but it is not a matter of surprise that one so
totally illiterate should have no settled or rational principles.
His reason left him two days before his death, but he has
gone to render an account of his life to a just and merciful
Judge.
The funeral of Mr. Dexter will be to-morrow, at 3 o'clock,
from his dwelling house.
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OBITUARY
WRITTEN 2006
It
follows that a more enlightened version of Lord Timothy Dexter's
embittered obituary be published to remark the 200th anniversary
of his passing ~ a more piquant, poignant observation on his
life.
Departed this mortal life on October 23, 1806, one Mr. Timothy
Dexter, in his 60th year of his age. Known by the (affectionate)
affectation "Lord Timothy Dexter, first in the East,"
he paradoxically remains one of the most eccentric, quixotic
(yet curiously sensible) men of all time. His singularities
& peculiar philosophic notions are universally proverbial.
Born on January 22, 1747 in Malden, the fifth generation in
the Massachusetts Bay plantation, reared motherless &
at a young age sent to work on a farm when his father remarried,
Dexter was later apprenticed to a Charlestown leather dresser.
When freed, he was drawn to the Waterside community of Newburyport
& taking up his trade thereat married the widow Elizabeth
Lord Frothingham, siring a son & a daughter. During the
Revolutionary War Dexter was one of a few who had speculated
in depreciated colonial bonds which (when redeemed at full
value once the federal monetary system was established) made
him one of the wealthiest men in the community. Bereft of
formal education, Dexter called Nature his teacher: Living
by both his wits & instincts, he followed the old ways
& the wisdom of the ages as did those in his circle. An
exception to every other character recorded in history or
known in the past & present age, the qualities of his
mind are unparalleled, some qualifying him to be a visionary
and genius, others "everyman" ~ in that every
man is one's superior since one might learn from him.
Considered an honest & kind man by admirers & detractors
alike, the charitable deeds demonstrated during Dexter's lifetime
& executed by his will present him to be one of the nation's
first philanthropists (as was cited in the annals of local
history along with his renowned eccentricities). His inimitable
anthology "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones" ever remains
an amusing & consuming coda of profundity to decode: Its
oblique, free-form text, context & subtext have made its
author as infamously famous as his purported antics. It was
to betide his Lordship that he was ahead of the wave: the
forerunner to the Transcendentalist movement & a marvel
in the modern style of composing who used a unique, phonetic
orthography that rejected the standards for spelling &
punctuation (a full century before another American rough
rider hoped to rid all writers of the bother). He so valued
history & its vital lessons that on his estate he erected
a "mouseum of grate caricters" to pique the
curiosity of all ages & under his aegis this menagerie
of figures would reflect an ever-changing montage of history
& history in the making. He placed his own figure as part
of the story as if to say one is here as are you. Also, his
intention that this curiosity would encourage that visitors
pass over his toll Deer Island Bridge, in "Pickle"
he seeded the thought that in time tourism would bring Newburyport
good fortune. Those prudent heed him still, for his speculations
were dexterously handled with a Midas touch. Of the panoply
of peculiar pecuniary ventures, the cargo of warming-pans
sent to the West Indies where they were converted into molasses-ladles
& sold at a good profit may be the most canny and uncanny
of the lot. His principles of religion were uniquely his own
"soul sight" which led him to believe in the system
of reincarnation; though not at all at odds with all other
possibilities, at times he connected with deism & pantheism
& cosmic order. It is not a matter of surprise that such
a singular one of the Knowing Ones would not be restricted
to a single set of possibilities. Under a grand outbuilding
in the Dexter House gardens he had constructed a tomb to lodge
his elaborate coffin for ephemeral & eternal repose. Howbeit
rehearsing mock funerals at this site, these real funereal
arrangements would be forsaken & he was buried at the
summit of Old Hill Burying Ground. The "Tempel of Reason"
is no longer but he leaves behind his resonating rhyme &
reason for a new generation of the Knowing Ones on the "noue
systom of knollege & Lite" at the domain LordTimothyDexter.com.
Thus, having reckoned a full account of his life to a just
& merciful & all knowing Judge, as Fate would have
it, Lord Timothy Dexter continues to make some noise in
the world.
On Yankee Homecoming's Olde Fashioned Sunday, July 30, 2006,
a promenade with pageantry befitting his Lordship's prominence
will commence at 11 o'clock in the morning ~ beginning at
the corner of Auburn and High streets. Progressing to Dexter's
gravesite at the knap of Old Hill Burying Ground ~ there and
then an elegical epiphany will be led by Dexter's poet laureate
Jonathan Plummer ~ joined by the Knowing Ones, including the
epitome of Dexter himself. (Thereafter, the illustrious Lord
Timothy Dexter will be judged by a less than just & merciful
Jurist, so do come witness as Lord Tim has his day in court
with the notorious "hanging judge.")
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